The global economic landscape has changed dramatically over the past few years. These changes are ranging from macroeconomic trends such as rising inflation and mortgage rates to micro-level lifestyle alterations such as the rise of remote work and with it the reduction in transportation and wardrobe costs. These changes have a deep impact on the wider society, most noticeably the growing anxiety levels among people, and the shift toward conservative, or in extreme cases, far-right movements.

Across the world, countries have reported higher inflation rates, causing the surge in everyday expenses. For example, in Novi Sad, we have witnessed inflation rates of food ranging between 10 to 25 percent in the last year. To give concrete examples, the cost of a kilogram of beans went from €2.2 to €2.6, which is about 15% increase in the last year. Other foods followed a similar trajectory.

As a combative measures many countries opted to increase the interest rates to slow down the rising inflation. In Serbia, this was most noticeable with the increased cost of monthly mortgage installments, most notably mortgages that are tied to variable mortgage rates EURIBOR, which went from negative 0.5% to an alarming 4% over the last year. In concrete terms, our monthly mortgage costs went from around €450 to around €600, an increase of around 25% over the last year.

At the same time, the tech industry where both my wife and me are operating, experienced a financial downturn, forcing companies to halt scheduled raises and in extreme cases even salary reduction and layoffs. In practical terms, this means that not only did the cost of living increase, but also our income decreased.

In these trying times, it's all too simple to feel adrift and let hope slip away, yet we must bear in mind to remain hopeful in a better future. Instead of getting lost, it is a time to learn, adapt, and end up stronger and more resilient as a result. Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear the hardships of today.

Finances and their impact on Marital Stress

Given the current trends, it is important to learn and be mindful about what research is telling us about the correlation between financial and marital stress. As more households grapple with economic challenges, understanding this dynamic becomes essential not just for individual well-being, but also for fostering healthier relationships. Financial pressures, if not addressed, can act as catalysts for misunderstandings, miscommunication, and mounting tensions in a marriage. Being equipped with knowledge and insights from research allows couples to take proactive steps, ensuring that money matters don't overshadow the love and partnership that form the bedrock of their union.

Even the healthiest relationships include arguments, but the topic of the arguments could predict risk of divorce according to the study from Kansas State University, a nationwide study in the United States. Another study by the Ramsay Solutions backed up the findings, reporting that money was the second most common problem that couples fight about, right after infidelity. Finances to a marriage than arguments about children, sex, or in-laws.

The surpassing fact from these studies is that the income, debt, or net worth are playing a minor role in these arguments, while leading factors are opposing views about money, lack of clear communication about money problems, financial infidelity and financial anxiety. Let's break them down.

Opposing views about money are deeply held beliefs about what money is, ingrained in us from our upbringing. For some, money means security, while for others a great lifestyle. Most people are somewhere between these beliefs, where they both want to ensure their security with adequate savings, and to splurge from time to time on meaningful things and experiences. Your job as a couple is to find out and communicate where your beliefs are. Are you comfortable with having no savings and living month-to-month? On the flip side, how much savings is enough to feel secure, a month, a year, multiple years? It is important to understand your spouse and to find a middle ground where you both feel secure and happy.

Financial infidelity, just like sexual infidelity, can destroy the trust and respect that you have in your partner. Examples are holding secret bank accounts, maxed our credit cards, hidden debts and purchases, or a big one, gambling. They cause huge, sometimes insurmountable tensions in a marriage. Be open with your partner, and try to overcome them before they reach a breaking point.

Overextending budgets is a sure way to end up in unmanaged debt. A car loan, mortgage, student loans, are the typical debt that married couples start out with. When this debt is signifiant and more unmanaged, it leads to marital stress. A couple that is extending their budget by purchasing stuff by accumulating debt is driving toward a huge fight that can destroy their marriage. Learn to communicate with your partner and compromise on spending.

Financial anxiety just as any other kind of anxiety is the fear of the unknown. In this case the unknown financial future of the married couple. Sometimes people try to run away from their problems, avoiding communication and stonewalling the other person when the topic comes up. The root of this anxiety often lies in the unknown aspects of our financial picture and a sense of lack of control. This is where clarity and open communication become crucial in a partnership. Chronic financial stress is linked to higher levels of overall anxiety and depression, as per findings in the Journal of Financial Therapy.

Financial management isn't just about numbers. It’s about understanding, collaboration, and proactive planning. My wife and I have found our rhythm, and while challenges arise, our foundation of open communication keeps us grounded. To all couples out there, remember: It's not about how much you make, but how you manage, plan, and communicate that truly determines your financial peace.

Men, Financial Pressure, and Unspoken Stress

The societal construct, present for centuries, often places the weight of financial responsibility on the shoulders of men. Historically, men have been perceived as the primary breadwinners, the pillars of economic stability for their families. Even as the world moves towards greater gender equality, remnants of this traditional view persist.

This manifests in two ways, many men often internalize the pressure, feeling solely accountable for the financial well-being of their families, while many women avoid any interactions with money related problems and push them toward their male partners who they perceive as the only person in the relationship who needs to manage finances.

Such internalization for man can be burdensome. When financial struggles arise, as they do in the ups and downs of life, it's not uncommon for men to associate these struggles with personal failures. The mindset that they, as the 'providers', should be adept at navigating all economic challenges, leads to a silent accumulation of stress and depression. Cultural norms often dictate that men should be stoic, suppressing emotions and soldiering on, even when they're breaking inside.

A study about debt and suicidal behaviour in the Finish general population observed the significance of debt and financial struggles of the Finish population. Those experiencing difficulties in repaying their debts more often than others had a probable minor mental disorder, nevertheless, difficulties in repaying debts were found to be a factor independently associated with suicidal ideation. Many other studies are backing up these findings, and making correlations between unemployment and unmanageable debt.

Men, in particular, have been observed to have a higher risk of suicide following financial hardships, possibly due to societal pressures for men to be the primary providers and the stigma against expressing vulnerability. For instance, during the 2008 financial crisis, there was a notable rise in suicides in many countries, which many researchers attribute at least in part to the economic downturn.

Recognizing this pattern is crucial. By creating an environment where men feel safe discussing their financial anxieties, we can pave the way for healthier coping mechanisms and more robust support systems. It is important to recognize that financial struggles are a collective challenge, not a singular burden to bear.

How we categorize and track expenses

In today's world, staying on top of one's finances is more critical than ever. For us, tracking expenses has been a transformative practice, bringing clarity, control, and foresight into our money related decisions. Google Spreadsheets, is the backbone of our financial management system.

We have two types of spreadsheets. A singular spreadsheet called "Long Term" where we track and chart our monthly total expenses, accumulated savings, and observe macro trends in our monetary strategy. The other type of spreadsheet is a "Monthly Expenses" where we create a new empty spreadsheet for every month and categorize every expense that we make during that month.

We categorize our expenses into the following categories:

• Food: All food and minor household expenses (ex. toiletpaper)
• Pets: All expenses related to our pets, food, vet visits, and medicine
• Utilities: Electricity, Phone, Heating, Subscriptions
• Travel and Transport: Gas, Travel
• Exercise: Gym
• Taxes

This meticulous record-keeping ensures that we never lose sight of where our money is going and helps us identify patterns in our spending habits. Since adopting it, I've recognized several important cuts, like leftover subscriptions, and purchasing in bulk that have reduced our financial strains.

The most important benefit is surpassingly not related to savings. It is related to reduced anxiety levels around finances. You can't improve things that you are not measuring is a common wisdom in engineering, and I find it particularly applyable to personal finances as well.

Joint or separate accounts

The topic of joint versus separate bank accounts in relationships is one that has been explored extensively in both academic research and financial advisory literature. The decision is deeply personal, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer. However, there are trends and insights derived from studies that can guide couples in making an informed decision.

Joint Accounts: Research has indicated that couples who pool their finances often experience a sense of unity and shared financial responsibility. Couples who used joint accounts were more likely to feel a stronger sense of collaboration in their financial goals. However, it is also a great source of marital stress as there is little or no room for individual decisions even on the small scale, that can lead to finance related exhaustion.

Separate Accounts: On the other hand, maintaining separate accounts can give individuals a sense of financial autonomy, which can be particularly beneficial for couples who have significantly varied spending habits or distinct financial goals. Separate accounts can reduce potential conflicts arising from discrepant spending habits.

The research indicates that a in-between strategy works out the best. Having both individual and shared household accounts has a good chance of avoiding the pitfalls of both joint and separate accounts, while at the same time providing a way for building common financial goals.

Building trust and financial security

In the dance of financial management, every step, whether big or small, counts. It's not merely about numbers, but the harmony, trust, and vision we build together in our shared journey as a married couple.

By practicing open financial communication, tracking, and informed decision-making, we're not just safeguarding our economic future but also building the very foundation of our relationship. It's not just wealth we're accumulating, but a legacy of understanding, shared dreams, and enduring partnership.

Stay tuned,
Daniela and Igor